A quick guide to self care for busy mums. Bubble baths and face masks help us feel a little pampered. But it’s not always addressing the things that are weighing us down. We don’t just want to feel superficially better. We want to feel good, mentally and physically.
Being a mum is busy work.
Hello? Understatement of the century.
With our time being taken up with our small people, it’s hard to find time to figure out what’s making us feel off. So, here’s your little pocketbook pocketpost on identifying what type of self care you need and what action to take right now!
Before you scoff and say ‘I just can’t’:
To look after your own wellbeing is to look after your family’s too.
Why self care just for mums?
Well because as with anything, being a Mum usually means a different way of doing things. Our time is very scheduled, limited in length and there’s an element of guilt attached to how we spend it.
So no, going for an hour long walk in nature might not be as stress relieving as it sounds. Think: “my feet hurt“, “can I have a snack” and “carry me“.
But also, a day at the spa probably isn’t going to fix the problem. At best, you’ll be ignoring the things that are bothering you, only to be warmly greeted by them when you get home. Or, if you’re anything like me, you wont be enjoying your relaxing day because all the things will be racing around your head. See Catana’s take on a relaxing bath below:
So, with all this in mind, let’s get a little more specific on what Mums can do, that is self care, but also super practical.
What are the types of self care?
Before we get into what to do, it might help to see which area is the one you want to feel better in first. Because if your finances are a mess, then meditating on it might not be the most helpful way to feel better.
Here’s how I’ve split the different types, if you know what you’re after, click to skip to where you want to read.
In each section I’ve given you a little idea on how you might be feeling off to help you choose where to start. You’ll also find what you can do today to live the self care dream, go on Mum you deserve it
Emotional
Feeling low? Tearful? Your husband walks down the stairs in the morning and you just want to shout at him! Why? , rather than stuff them down, listen to them. Lean in to them. Are you feeling heard? Give yourself some grace, you’re allowed to feel all these things.
Being a Mum is full on, and if you’re new to the whole self care thing let me tell you now. It’s ok to feel bored, frustrated, like no-one listens.
I’m not saying it’s good to feel that way and this is what we’ll address next. But what I am saying is notice it, don’t stuff it away.
Here’s some self care tips to help your emotional wellbeing:
- Journal: Don’t even get me started on the benefits of journaling! I could waffle for ages. I rant, rave, swear and bitch in my journal. But I also write what’s made me smile, feel grateful, what my kids did that I’m proud of and so much more. In short, it’s my go-to to get everything off my chest. I can’t recommend this one enough. If you’ve just had a baby, try out the New Mama Journal.
- Spa Day/ Facial/ Massage: Ok, so maybe you do want to feel pampered. It’s nice to feel like you’re on top of somebodies list! You enjoy it Mama! Even better, bring another Mum friend with you.
- Talk: In person, on the phone, on a group chat, write a letter to your partner, however you feel comfortable. Get it out. More than this, once you’ve had your say, listen to your friends struggles. And be there for them. As Simon Sinek tweeted “the purest way of helping yourself is through service“.
The purest way of helping yourself is through service. Not only will the help come back around, but the solutions you are searching for will reveal themselves along the way. pic.twitter.com/o3TTa46AHu
— Simon Sinek (@simonsinek) April 15, 2021
Physical
I’m not going to go into the whole Mum-bod thing today, but if you’re worrying about your self image, feel achey, have little energy or maybe you’ve had a lot of bugs recently. Your body might need a bit of TLC.
I’ve found, as a Mum of a four month old, I live a fairly sedentary lifestyle at the moment. And I ACHE. It gets easier as they get bigger. My toddler kept me more active as she started to walk and now she’s 2 she does. not. stop. moving… EVER.
But when you’re spending a lot of time feeding, changing nappies, dealing with night-wakings, you really don’t feel like doing much. So here’s some simple physical self care tips for Mums that might help you:
- Ask your Doctor about a supplement: If your body is a little run down you might need a little vitamin boost. In our house I feel like even as November starts we’re only just feeling back to normal after the back-to-school colds. Always seek advice on what you can take, especially if you take other medicines or are breastfeeding.
- Stretch: I’ve been trying to take any spare minutes I have to stretch and get the blood flowing again. Especially if I’ve been bouncing my little man to sleep for ages. Hello, back ache. Even better if you can join a Yoga or Pilates class to get back to feeling your old self again.
- Reach out to a parent or friend: If they can take the kids for an hour or two don’t then charge around like a bull in a china shop. Stop and rest, even if you don’t sleep, your body will thank you.
- Get outside: You’re a smart Mama. You don’t need me to tell you the benefits of fresh air. Garden, park, seafront, pick a place and breathe deep.
Social
Leaning into that off-feeling, do you miss adult conversation? Day in – day out with little ones can make you feel a little crazy.
I found this as a teacher. Even in a class of 30 teenagers, I’d still feel alone. Then, as soon as I saw another adult in the corridor at break, both of us would splutter out all the thoughts we’d had in the last 2 hours.
If I spend all day at home with my babies, as soon as Darren walks in he gets bombarded with all the random crap that I haven’t said all day.
- Send a message: A friend, a sibling, an old neighbour. Send a message and reconnect with someone. Imagine how you feel when you get a message out of the blue from someone, just to see how you are. Spark a conversation and lighten someone’s day. You’ll both benefit.
- Arrange some quality time with each child: If you have more than one child and you’re able to, spending individual time with your children will make you feel so much more connected.
- Join a baby group: What better place to get advice and conversation from people who are literally going through the same thing as you right now. Check out your local children’s centre to see what activities and groups they have on.
- Arrange some time for solitude if you need to recharge: Calling all fellow introverts! Spending time with your children is lovely, but sometimes they just talk, and talk, and talk. Not to mention the laughter and occasional whine, cry and scream. Sometimes social self care can mean taking time to yourself to be alone and quiet.
Environment
When you sit in a space in your home, are all the items talking to you, telling you to put them away or dust them? Sometimes an act of self care can be finally ticking off those jobs that have been looming over you. Wouldn’t that be a freeing feeling?
Essentially all the things at home that you’ve been meaning to get around to, they’re all whizzing around your mind every time you see them. Things like “still need to touch up that bit of paint”, “dishes need putting away”, “that washing basket needs to go upstairs”. All this can be a little overwhelming and result in you feeling anxious, irritable and depressed.
Enter the silent to do list! Dawn from the Minimal Mom on YouTube explains this way better than I could.
- Find the time to get those little jobs done in your home: As explained above, spend a bit of time each week making progress towards the home you want. If you’re stuck for time, take a look at your week and decide what you’re going to swap out on. If you want to prioritise a calm environment, then something has to give until you’re happy that you can maintain it.
- Declutter your space to feel less anxious: I’m not a minimalist, I’m not trying to be either. But decluttering my spaces has helped with my peace of mind at home enormously! And I’m still working on it. Saying goodbye to extra things in my life has allowed me to actually organise my spaces because they aren’t overflowing. It was hard to get started but once you get a bit of momentum it becomes way easier.
Finances & Work
This is a big one, and not easy either. A lot of Mums have financial strain, an act of self care could be to get real about the situation and form a plan.
If you’re lucky like me to live in the UK, then chances are you get some sort of maternity pay during the first 37 weeks after you start your leave. Even so, life seems to be getting more expensive by the week. So if you’re feeling financial pressure, you might want to see what’s out there for you.
If your finances really are an issue, please seek financial advice, I’m not qualified!
- Check out what help is available to you: Here in the UK there are schemes to help families out with young children. I’d already been paying for childcare fees for over a year before I found out about Tax Free Childcare! (If you were in the dark too, you’re so welcome!) If you’re eligible to claim for free childcare hours and child benefit, you’d be silly not to.
- Brainstorm ways to bring in more cash: There’s so much info out there now about side hustles etc. (If they’re promising passive income just be wary that these things take time to set up and promote usually.) I’m not promoting “toxic hustle culture”, but you’ll be surprised what you’re capable of. If you aren’t working, are you able to work some evenings? Or look at changing the job you’re already in?
- Budget budget budget: If you’re struggling financially, one of the last things you want to do is look at your bank account. But if you’re going to improve it, you’re going to have to get real about it. Look those incomes and outgoings, debts and savings dead in the eye and make a plan! Just the simple act of facing the problem head on and thinking practically will help you feel in control again.
Self Development
The self care for Mums that nobody seems to talk about is our need our minds active. I’m not talking academically, or suggesting you sign yourself up to college. Or do… if that’s what you want.
But learning keeps your brain young and, if it’s in the right circumstances, it’s fun!
- Go to the library: One of the few places left where you can go and aren’t expected to spend money. Ask for recommendations, join a book club and get your little ones excited about reading. Loads of libraries have baby clubs too.
- Learn a new skill from an app, blog or YouTube: Learning a language is said to have loads of benefits for your brain, but it doesn’t have to be a skill that’s really hard or demanding. Learn how to DIY something in your home. Recently, I’ve been learning about reading Tarot cards!
- Read about something totally new: Ask someone who doesn’t have the same interests as you to recommend a book or a podcast.
Spiritual
If you’re feeling a little lost or disconnected, perhaps you need time to reconnect with yourself or your faith. Spirituality isn’t always about organised religion. Feeling at peace with who you are and comfortable that you’re enough has a great deal to do with your spirituality.
Being a Mum, especially to young children, can be so consuming of our time that we lose touch with who we are and what we enjoy. Leaving us feeling separate from our true selves.
- Join a local faith or community group: Feeling connected with people is so important! Seeing like minded people every week or month can bring you back to your sense of self, and offer support if you need it.
- Meditate or just be in nature: There are different types of meditation, so if sitting still for ages trying not to think doesn’t work for you (yeah, me neither) try one of these practises. Otherwise, just being in nature can do wonders for your soul!
- Journal gratitude and dreams: Journaling your hopes and dreams can bring you back to who you are and what you enjoy. IT might even give you a push to start those things you’ve always wanted to do. Dream with the lid off Mama!
Self care for Mums. What will you do first?
Cliché as it is, remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup. As we said at the top of this post:
To look after your own wellbeing is to look after your family’s too.
Don’t just read this post and click away now – it’s time to take action. You can do the difficult things that need to be done.
Comment below which steps you’ll be doing today. Also pass on the love ♡ share with another Mum who could use the help with self care.
