Returning to work after a baby feels a bit daunting right now. What is it about being a stay at home Mum that’s made me feel… incompetent as a career woman? I feel like my confidence has taken a real knock. Especially since having my second baby.
Welcome to my return-to-work-ramble.
If you too have to go back to work after maternity leave because staying at home isn’t really an option for you, climb aboard. You’ll find a cup of tea waiting for you. Otherwise it’s mugfulls of anxiety sprinkled with guilt served with a bite of hooray-I-just-have-to-worry-about-my-own-toileting-needs-on-workdays.
I thought returning to work after maternity leave would be easier this time
You know, because I’ve done it before. In fact last time, thanks to Covid-19, I was ‘off work’ for 15 months. So you’d think that that would’ve been a harder transition.
I feel so much resistance this time.
Maybe it’s because Owen will be just 9 months and Jessica was a year old when I went back. He still seems so dinky.
Don’t get me wrong, I have to say I’m looking forward to the ‘me time’.
It’s not really me time, it’s time when I only have to be responsible for my own needs whilst working.
Still… a bit of a break from a mothering a baby and toddler all-day every-day isn’t it.
Returning to work is a major guilt trip
Last time I returned to work, after having my little girl, people kept saying versions of
“I just don’t know how you do it all.”
I’d reply: I don’t.
Because you can’t.
If my marking was up to date at work, you can bet your ass my laundry pile was obnoxiously large.
If I’d cooked really great, fresh meals at home one week, my lessons weren’t planned with any great detail.
You can try keeping all the balls in the air, but eventually one has to drop.
“Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. The balls are called work, family, health, friends, and integrity. And you’re keeping all of them in the air. But one day you finally come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls…are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered.”
Suzanne’s Diary for Nicholas – James Patterson
If you’re struggling with guilt, just remember:
it means you care ♡
I feel pretty incompetent after a cumulative 2 years out of work
That’s not to say I’ve forgotten how to teach, or forgotten the maths that I’m teaching.
But I feel like I’m not good enough anymore.
That’s definitely my perception and probably a lack of confidence. Which, by the way, SO MANY women struggle with after maternity leave! I don’t really understand what causes it, but being out of the workforce even for a year somehow makes us think we’re less qualified than when we left?!
It’s so not true!
But, I don’t think the new-mum-brain-fog helps.
Seriously, when does that go away?
Selfishly, I like being at home away from the real world
If I’m really honest.
Like brutally honest.
The outside world feels a bit scary at the moment. If I stay at home and don’t watch the news, I have half a chance to only concern myself with what’s in front of me.
As an empath I struggle with feeling too much of other people’s problems.
And going to work is too people-y.
I love teaching; I’m sure you’ve heard it said that working with children is so rewarding. But, it can be intense.
30 pupils, for an hour, 5 times a day, that’s a lot of people.
People who depend on you to bring your best self to the table; regardless of your babies having a cold, or still not sleeping through the night, or getting you up consistently at half 4 to watch Teletubbies.
This is probably the hardest part about returning to work when you have a young family. You’re expected to work like you have no children, and parent like you don’t work.
How I’m going to do it better this time
- Nail the morning and evening routine BEFORE I return to work – Hello early wake-ups on purpose.
- Plan easy meals on work days – Freezer veg is still veg.
- Don’t spend every day off doing housework or marking – I’m going to enjoy that time with my kiddos thank you very much 🙂
I can’t take away the guilt or anxiety of returning to work, but hopefully it made you feel a little bit seen.
Share your thoughts on returning to work after maternity leave below.