Are you looking to enjoy motherhood more? I’ve changed the way I’ve been approaching motherhood with 5 simple mindset changes to be a happy Mum.
Would you like to feel like a happier Mum? One of the things we do as mothers is we compare. One of the worst things we do as mothers is compare ourselves to the ‘ideal mother’ we hoped we’d be.
You may have heard it said before: mindset is everything. Specifically today we’re looking at mental changes you can make to feel better. If you’re tired of feeling grumpy and beating yourself down for all the things you think you aren’t doing right. Keep reading for my top mindset shifts on how to be a happier Mum. These tips are super practical and actionable so you can use them right away.
How are you feeling Mum?
First let’s address what’s going on with you. Do any of these sound familiar?
- You need some space. You snap at the first person to ask for a snack because you haven’t had a moment to yourself yet.
- You don’t feel heard. Lose your temper with the kids because you’ve asked them to put their shoes on 5 times already and they are STILL dawdling.
- You feel guilty. At the end of the day you want to get the kids out of bed, give them a big hug. You feel you need to apologise for being grouchy and promise to try harder.
- You feel stuck. Find yourself complaining about all the things you haven’t been doing because motherhood is hard and you have no time.
Well, this too shall pass Mama, we know that. But today we’re talking mindset. Sometimes we have crappy days, so let’s talk about ways you can feel like a happier Mum amidst this chaos!
The moment I knew I needed to change my mindset
It’s not been easy. There’ve been bumps in the road that I didn’t see coming. Most notably since having my second baby, I’ve been suffering with some sort of postnatal anxiety. This manifested for me as being shouty and grouchy all the time, I couldn’t see it at first though.
I was spending so much time in my own head that I didn’t realise other people weren’t worrying the same amount I was. So I couldn’t understand why people didn’t care so much about what I was stressed about.
As a result I’d become snappy and withdrawn. I was in ‘survival mode’ when it came to looking after the kids.
There were times I’d shout at my 2-year-old daughter, only to feel horrendous in the next second because it 100% was not her fault.
It left me thinking: I’ve got to fix this negative thought spiral before I push everyone away.
It’s like I’d trained my mind to only notice the bad and filter out the good.
It’s been a long journey that I’m still treading, but I can see the light again. Hopefully, these mindset changes will help you feel like a happier Mum too.
- How to raise your vibes as a Mum
- A quick guide to self care for busy Mums
- 8 ways to deal with Mum guilt
Mindset shift your way to a happier you, Mum!
Shift 1: “I get to…”
Kind of like gratitude in the most subtle of ways. We all have heard of the benefits of gratitude and the steady stream of gratitude journals gracing the shelves in our local bookstore. Waterstones I’m looking at you.
Less obvious than the 3 sentence starters “Today, I’m grateful for…”, we’re going to swap “I have to…” with “I get to…”.
Hear me out, I promise I’m not expecting you to be grateful for cleaning out the gunky stuff in the plughole. Make a simple swap and try it out for size.
“I have to go to work.”
“I get to go to work.”
“I have to cook dinner.”
“I get to cook dinner.”
“I have to help my daughter with homework.”
“I get to help my daughter with homework.”
You get the idea, subtle but powerful right? You’re implying that other people don’t get to do the fantastic work we do as mothers, and I think that’s pretty special.
Shift 2: Look for the path, not the obstacle
My husband came out with this gem. It came totally out the blue and knocked me sideways. As usual I was complaining about how I was going to get something done while I had the kids all day.
Darren said:
“If you keep looking at the obstacles, you’ll never see the path.”
Okay Mr. Guru. You’ve got a real point there.
I never used to be a glass half empty kind of person, but this is kind of similar. All I could see were the reasons why I couldn’t get these things done. Instead of brainstorming how I was going to get it done.
It’s been a game-changer for me. I love a problem to solve, and working out the most efficient way to bathe a 2-year-old and 10-month-old at the same time has been fun.
Shift 3: Name your priorities and forget the rest
It’s time Mama. Time to give yourself some grace.
It’s also time for a reality check.
How much time does your brain spend telling you: I don’t have time to get into shape. I don’t have time to write that book. I don’t have time to redecorate the spare room.
The truth is you do have time. (brutal, sorry)
The truth is if you really wanted to, you’d find the time. But you don’t right now, and that’s okay!
For me it was exercising. I kept going on about if I had time I’d be doing yoga and walking more and doing HIIT from home.
Well the fact is if I really wanted to do more exercise I would’ve found the time to do it. It’s not my priority now, and that’s okay. It’ll be a priority again some time. But it’s not the season for me.
So, name your priorities, then say what you’re letting go of for now. There, you can stop beating yourself up about it😊
Shift 4: Look at those little hands and feet ♡
I can’t even remember where I learnt this one but it’s helped me more times than I can count.
If you’re feeling frustrated, overwhelmed or angry, then pause and notice how small their hands are. This stops me dead in my tracks. It’s obvious to anyone who’s not been in the position of reasoning with an angry little toddler demanding their 18th snack at 10:15am.
Noticing her little hands and feet reminds me: she’s not listening to me because she’s still tiny and doesn’t understand yet.
It doesn’t change the situation, but it changes my mindset and I approach the conversation from a different angle.
Shift 5: Catch yourself being good
One of the first things I learnt during my teacher training was to “catch the kids being good”. This applies to my own kids of course but did you know it works for yourself too?
I strive daily to catch myself in the good moments, be present and soak them in. These can be the smallest of moments, for example, when I drop my washing basket to go play with the kids on the floor. Also, when Owen is chuckling at something and I put my phone down to soak in his sweet giggles. I catch myself feeling good and it gets me out of my head.
This, by the way, is an excellent strategy for managing anxiety. If I’m stuck in a stream of anxious thought, then I pause to be present and recognise that in that moment I am safe and I am loved.
Which tip do you need most right now?
Here’s your roundup of mindset changes to help you be a happy Mum:
- Swap “I have to…” for “I get to…”
- Look for the path, not the obstacles
- Name what matters to you, and leave the rest for another time
- Check their little hands and feet when you’re feeling overwhelmed or angry
- Catch yourself being good and present
You’re well on your way to being a happier Mum! Read these next to continue your journey:
- How to raise your vibes as a Mum
- A quick guide to self care for busy Mums
- 8 ways to deal with Mum guilt
Don’t forget to share this post with someone who needs a bit of TLC ♡ and come over and chat with me on Instagram!