Are You Being Your True Self? A Roadmap to Authentic Living

What does it mean to be living in authenticity? Find out what it looks like to not be your true self and the step-by-step plan to unveil the real you.

What does it mean to be your authentic self? Well, let’s see how this quote makes you feel first…

“Today you are you. That is truer than true. There is no-one alive who is you-er than you!”
Dr Seuss

How did that go in your head? Silly, whimsical, nonsense? Dig a little deeper and you might just see what Dr Seuss was trying to say. He’s talking about embracing your uniqueness, to take off the conformity, be your true self.

Can you just imagine, wearing a mask of someone else’s face all the time? Family, friends and colleagues having expectations of you that don’t align with your core values? Feeling like you’re acting your way through life? Saying things that appear to be coming out of your mouth but it’s like someone else has the mic and is just using you as a mouthpiece?

All of these can signify that you aren’t being your authentic self, that you aren’t being true to who you are or who you want to be.

Before we get started, please know that some of the links I use are affiliate links. If you make a purchase through them I earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I only ever recommend things I truly love and value. Thanks ❀

Why does it matter that I’m my authentic self?

The point of you reading this is to help you find a way to being at peace with who you are. It’s not quite the same as self acceptance, but living true to your core values is going to bring you an inner peace that will accompany you anywhere.

If you’re being authentically you, you’re going to talk about things that interest you, learn about subjects that fascinate you, build the life you want because you aren’t interested in what others may think. You will accept the consequences of your words and actions because you do what you think is right, not to appease others.

You may even find your North Star along the way.

A life with a North Star can look like: less stress, more integrity and fulfilment. Which will improve your relationships, and so the cycle continues upwards.

When you’re living out of alignment, you might feel disconnected or powerless. The word ‘doormat’ springs to mind, though this isn’t always the case.

Perhaps you’re mega-successful on the outside. To others you have it all and have built your empire that you sit atop of, but underneath you feel like a fraud. Like every step you take to build what you’ve created is a step away from who you’d really like to be. Maybe you want to just live the simple life with a garden and animals to tend to and no shoes on…

When you aren’t being your authentic self, you go along with others because it’s just what we do here. You don’t go against the crowd or the norm for fear of being ‘other’ or an ‘outsider’. After all, we are social creatures.

Maybe you spend your time comparing your life to others. The fateful comparison trap can lead to unhappiness and feelings of inadequacy.

Here’s an excerpt from my popular shadow work post:

From addiction to overeating, from excessive spending to endless hours of video gaming; these can all be signs that you’re not living in alignment with your true self. When we find ways to escape and numb our emotions, what we’re actually doing is pushing away the feelings that we aren’t prepared to face.
25 Shadow work prompts to discover your true self

These reasons, amongst others, are why you should search for your truest self, to pursue your most authentic self is to search for the happiest-you.

☘︎ The you-est you. ☘︎

Roadmap infographic to your authentic self

Unveil Your Authentic Self: The Roadmap

1. First of all: give yourself a number from 1-5. You don’t know where to turn if you don’t know where you are.

I’m totally in tune with who I am, I work, sleep, eat, play in alignment with my authentic self and I know the direction of my North Star.
I’m on the right path. I’ve got a few changes to make, but I know what lights me up and what my core values are. Most of the time I know what I want and act accordingly.
I know some of my values, I know something doesn’t feel right but I know where I need to make changes.
I feel a bit lost and disconnected, I feel jealous of what others do/ have but I need direction.
I don’t even know who I am anymore.

What number resonated with you the most? Now we know where we are, lets see what directions there are to take.

2. Now, you need to answer some questions, to get to the root of the issue.

It’s time to find your direction. Here’s some options, you might want to do all of them, or just the one that stands out for you. Take your time and write it down. Lean into your emotions, if something startles you like anger or fear, let it happen. Be the observer of your feelings, it’ll tell you more than you knew with your rational brain.

What are your core values and beliefs?

Maybe your religion or spirituality guides you. Or simple words can convey your values such as: truth, creativity, independence or generosity.

Spend some time, use this list of core values to choose from if you have to, pick up to 5 top ones.

How many of these can you honestly say you fulfil on a weekly or monthly basis? Where are you neglecting your values? Is it at home, or work? Maybe you’ve allowed your business to take over your core family values. Or you don’t make any time for creativity any more.

Who was your authentic self when you were 10 years old?

Think back to when you were a child. It doesn’t have to be 10.

Just think of a time in your childhood when you wanted to learn about space and imagined yourself meeting aliens or building rockets.

Or you danced and danced because it just felt good. It didn’t matter if you were coordinated.

How about that time you wore the spiderman outfit to the shops because you could.

I’m not saying that’s what you want to do today (or maybe you do?) but that feeling of just being who you are in the moment. Children usually don’t have limiting beliefs, before secondary school most children haven’t been told yet to choose the default path. They can dream with the lid off. People can judge, but that’s their problem.

Who are you when no one is watching?

I don’t mean the Dorito-munching, pyjama-ed, scratching your belly you (no? just me?).

I mean the you who reads poetry, listens to country music or acts like a total goof ball. The you who can laugh at themselves because no one is taking notes, or the you who draws pictures of dragons because it feels good to express yourself. What about the you who dreams of adventure in the mountains?

What are you doing when you most feel like yourself?

For me, I feel most like myself when: reading, writing, watching my kids play, trapsing around a museum, or drinking coffee in a café whilst watching the world go by. In fact, people watching, is one of my favourite past times. It’s no surprise then that one of my core values is ‘learning’. I just love to observe.

So when do you feel most like you? Take your time, write it down.

Are there areas of my life where I feel I am pretending or wearing a mask?

Were you told to take the default path? In Paul Millerds The Pathless Path, he discusses the route we’re told to take: do well at school, go to college/ university, get good job, get promotions, climb ladder, and on and on. For so many of us, who don’t know what we want early on, we default into one lane, then end up believing that’s just who we are or all we can be.

Until one day we question it all. What would your authentic self do in your position?

3. Take action, becoming your authentic self doesn’t happen by accident.

Now what? You know how close you feel to living authentically, and you hopefully know what you’re aiming for. Write down what you can do today/ this week/ this month that is going to take you there. The smaller steps you choose, the easier it will feel to get there.

If you aren’t sure, consider the following questions to help give you some action steps toward becoming your true self.

What is one thing you can do today, that will align yourself with who you want to become?
What, in the upcoming week, can you say no to, that’ll stop you feeling disconnected from self?
How can you show up at work that is true to who you want to be?
What are you going to do today that serves others?
How better can you show up for friends or family? Do you need to make time to listen?
If taking a completely new direction: what do you need to learn next to turn in that direction?
What can you do to connect to nature/ Spirit/ God/ inner peace?
How can you change your mindset about events today to be more optimistic?
What journaling practice can you incorporate to your morning/ evening routine to be more mindful?

4. Iterate, you will need to experiment over time

If you’re committed to finding your authentic self, you’re going to need weekly check-ins with yourself. The best way to do this, as I’ve been recommending you write things down throughout this post, is to keep some form of journal. Keep yourself accountable with a journaling habit, when done correctly, it’s the best way to make sense of thoughts and emotions.

As you’re trying out new things, ways of working, pursuing your happiness, you might come across reactions from those who know you. If they do notice and they have something bad to say. They aren’t your people.

It’s funny really because you’ll find people are so worried about what they look like and sound like, they probably won’t notice anyway.

No one is you-er than you

Who you are may change over time, as you grow and flourish, your values and even priorities may differ. But you’ll know when you start to feel disconnected what you need to do to bring yourself back in alignment with your authentic self.

Use the steps:

Know your number – How close am I to my authentic self?
Ask questions to know where you want to go – What are my core values?
Plan – What actions can I take now to bring me closer to my true self?
Iterate – Be accountable, keep track of your progress in a journal, reflect on your journey.

Bookmark this post for later or send to a friend. Thanks for being here.

You’ll notice some links I’ve used in this post are from some of my favourite authors in the personal development space. You’ll find their podcasts/ books/ posts illuminating, I’ve added links to their best books (IMO):

Mel Robbins – The 5 Second Rule (super powerful in getting started)
Mark Manson – The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck & Everything is F*cked (both are great and mildly hilarious)
James Clear – Atomic Habits (classic!)
Paul Millerd – The Pathless Path (I literally re-evaluated what path I was on)